Apr. 28th, 2011

phoenix: (pic#657)
[personal profile] phoenix
I've discovered that my strange bouts of not-insomnia (unwillingness to try to fall asleep) are usually about avoiding actively deciding to not do something. I had two big examples of this lately. 

First, getting anxious about an outing I'd planned with a friend. I was suddenly terribly upset at the thought of going, but I kept putting off telling her. Instead I stayed up /all/ night, till 11am the next morning when I was too tired to eat, never mind leave the house. Only then did I get the courage to tell my friend I wasn't going. (As it happened, she didn't want to go either!)
 
Second was two days ago. I'd taken an extra day off work for Easter, and realised too late that I'd miss something important. Instead of sleeping as normal, I stayed up, playing games and keeping myself distracted nonsensically. I only got clued into the point of this wakefulness when I remembered the precious happening - I wanted to make it impossible to do the undesirable task. And again, no one treated me poorly when I said "sorry, I won't be making it to this event" - something to remember for the future. 

This discovery is both positive and negative - it's useful to recognise the point behind procrastination. I'm glad I know what's going on.  

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